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Little Fockers: The Reason Hollywood Makes Bad Movies

You’ve heard someone say it before.  You’ve probably said it yourself.

“Why can’t Hollywood make good movies?”

Well, and let’s get this out of the way right now, Hollywood does make good movies.  Every year.  The Social Network, True Grit, and Inception prove that.  But the real question is…

“Why does Hollywood make so many crappy movies?”

It’s a good question.  Yogi Bear.  Gulliver’s Travels.  Anything starring Mike Myers.  How do these movies get made?  They all look terrible.  All it takes is a fifteen second commercial to tell you that Jack Black sucking dozens of cannonballs into his belly and then firing them back out again is probably not a scene that you need expanding upon.  Especially for 90 minutes.  And you certainly don’t need to even watch a commercial to know that a computer generated Yogi Bear (not the best cartoon to begin with) in a live action setting is probably not time well spent.  The same holds true for Little Fockers, the sequel to Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers.  Half of the commercial for this waste of time was committed to showing a scene from the original movie.  It then showed Dustin Hoffman on the toilet to remind you of that “hilarious” scene from the second movie.  This was all before they even showed clips of the new movie!  Folks, that’s a bad sign.  It means they’re hanging everything on the hope that you’ll extend your “fondness” for the first movie or two to the new one.

So, how is Little Fockers the reason why Hollywood makes bad movies?  Well, you only need to look at the box office winners for the past two weeks to find out.

Christmas Weekend:

1. Little Fockers:  $30.8 Million

2. True Grit:  $24.8 Million

New Year’s Weekend:

1. Little Fockers:  $25.7 Million

2. True Grit:  $24.4 Million

Congratulations, America.  You gave Little Fockers first place in its first two weekends.  Never you mind that three weeks from now everyone will forget this turd ever existed.  Doesn’t matter.  You went out and spent your hard earned dollars on it.  The result?  More green lights for more stinky turds.

If there’s a silver lining here it’s that Fockers dropped about 16% between the two weekends.  The runner up, True Grit, is pretty much holding steady.  That means Fockers will fade while Grit holds strong.  Nevertheless, the damage has been done.

America, if you keep spending your money on crap, you’re going to get more crap.  Hollywood’s only doing what you’re telling it to do.  You’re basically telling them that it’s okay to just group a bunch of well-known actors without a story and get something in the can with nary a spark of creativity in sight.  You’re enabling them.

You see, crappy movies are like a stray dog or a cast member from the Jersey Shore.  The more you feed them, the less likely they’ll go away.  Stop feeding the monster.

Go see True Grit instead.

–Cap’n Blackjack

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  1. January 8, 2011 at 9:13 pm

    cool

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