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Mystery Missile Rockets its Way into Our Hearts

November 9, 2010 Leave a comment

America’s all abuzz about the Mystery Missile; the one launched off the Los Angeles coast yesterday to the surprise of everyone.  A news team snapped a picture of the missile making it clear this isn’t just an Estes rocket launched by a loving astronomy-minded father and son.  It’s the real deal.  A big boy.  And the American Government apparently has no idea who launched it and why.  Which is, you know…

Comforting.

As a result we’re not left with a lot of options.  The UFO freaks are out, of course, saying it’s something to do with space aliens.  So are the conspiracy theorists, because whenever the government says it knows nothing it’s obviously a lie.  And then there’s Canada.  I think it’s about time we stopped trusting our “friends” from the North.  Any sign of a maple leaf on that missile?

Of course there might be a more down to earth answer.  One involving a certain Limejuiceboy and a nickname in college??? 

I am ze Mystery Missile!

You be the judge!

–Cap’n Blackjack

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Tell the Truth Now! Do You Use Your Smartphone in the Bathroom?

October 9, 2010 1 comment

It’s a disturbing trend.  Rarely a day goes by where I don’t hear the click-click-clickety click of Blackberry keys from the bathroom stalls at work.  I even saw an iPad on the floor between a guy’s feet the other day.  Who uses an iPad on the shitter?

So, you tell me.  Is this the wave of the future?  Is it okay to use gadgets while sitting on the can?

Are you guilty?

–Cap’n Bathjack


Categories: Poll Island Tags: , ,

There Can Be Only One…Mark Wahlberg

October 5, 2010 2 comments

Not Mark Wahlberg

In today’s crazy mixed-up world people don’t have time to get confused by two celebrities with the same name.  And yes, while the spelling of their two names is slightly different, and one is clearly more well-known than the other, as the title suggests…there can be only one!  Mark Walberg.

Which will you choose?

Read more…

OMG, Look at Drew Carey

September 21, 2010 5 comments

Have you seen this?  Have you heard about this?  Drew Carey…is THIN.  Eighty pounds thinner to be exact.  To say the viewers of yesterday’s The Price is Right were shocked would be an…well, it would probably be an overstatement, actually.  Most viewers are, after all, stoned teenagers and half-blind nursing home patients.

But I’m shocked!  Aren’t you?

Now here’s where I’d tell you that he lost the weight cutting out the carbs, and he’s enjoying life without diabetes, blah blah blah, but we get to what’s really important here at Celeb Exile.  What you’re really thinking about when you look at the two Drews.  So, let me hear it ladies and gay gentlemen!

Which Drew…would you do?

Are you the type to snuggle with a chubby Drew before an open fire with five sausage and onion deep dish pizzas?  Or are you the type to spoon with new Drew after partaking in measured bites of Fage yogurt and organic blueberries?

So, let me hear it!  Come on down!  Vote!  And no, you can’t choose not to sleep with one of them (or both of them for that matter)!  One must be slept with! 

Which Drew is for you?

–Cap’n Plinkjack

Yup, weather’s a-brewing.

September 2, 2010 Leave a comment

Hello, Boston!

And here we go, a very strong hurricane that we haven’t seen in these parts for quite some time now. It should make my weekend in Maine a bit more interesting. Hopefully it won’t interfere with my scheduled event of shooting a few guns into a sandpit. I have to work on my aim to prepare for the impending Zombie War, obviously.

So, with Hurricane Earl keeping its eye on us, what would you do?

-Zombiekillerboy

Kingdom of the Little People: Thumbs Up or Down?

March 4, 2010 1 comment

Have you ever wanted to see little people (aka dwarves, midgets, wee ones, etc) perform for you in a zoo-like setting?  Well, now’s your chance.  Thanks to China!

Hello!

In Kunming, China, a man named Chen Mingjing has created a theme park called the Kingdom of the Little People where dwarves perform a silly version of Swan Lake for visitors dressed in pink tutus.

Awesome.

And that’s not all.  Mingjing has even bigger plans.  From the New York Times:

Imagine a $115 million universe in miniature, set amid 13,000 acres of rolling hills and peaceful lakes in southern China’s Yunnan Province, with tiny dogs, tiny fruit trees, a 230-foot-high performance hall that looks like the stump of a prehistoric tree and standard-size guest cabins.

Also, a black BMW modified to resemble a flying saucer, from which dwarfs will spill forth to begin their performances.

“It will be like a fairy tale,” Mr. Chen said. “Everything here I have designed myself.”

Excellent.  Nice to know aliens are fans of time-tested German engineering.  But, as you can imagine, the theme park has met with a lot of criticism, claiming the park objectifies little people and demeans them.

Mingjing counters with the fact that all performers are willing and paid participants and that he has met with a lot of interest from others who wish to be a part of the park in the future.

It’s an interesting question, and one I pose to you.  If the performers are willing to participate, can you really condemn their activities?  At the same time though, the entire thing sounds a bit creepy and exploitative.

What do you think?

–Cap’n Blackjack

Categories: Poll Island Tags: ,

Who’s got coconuts?! It’s another Island Poll!

January 21, 2010 Leave a comment
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