Archive for the ‘Timeout Island’ Category

Hobbit=Good=White. Everyone else, get in the Uruk-hai line.

November 30, 2010 Leave a comment

Welcome, light-skinned people!

The movie The Hobbit is currently casting extras in New Zealand and there was a bit of a bump in the road recently.

A casting agent was trying to divide potential extra’s by the tone of their skin, with “light-skinned people” in the Hobbit line and, I presume, “dark-skinned people” in the Orc and Uruk-hai line. The casting agent was swiftly fired.

I could have been a good guy

Obviously, that was the right move and the casting agent should take some time to think about why that was wrong.

But in some respect, the agent was just trying to stay true to Tolkien’s world, a world he created where all the good people, the Hobbit’s, the Elves, the Wizard’s (unless corrupt), the humans (unless you’re Boromir), are white. Ocrs and Uruk-hai are evil and decidedly not white.

So don’t take it all out on the fired agent. Tolkien wasn’t very subtle either.


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Jackrabbit Slim

Oh Billy Billy Billy…

Wait, I’m no good at this.  Where’s Smails?

Well? We're waiting!

Right, ahem, sorry Judge.

Anyway, the Billy I am trying to refer to is none other than Billy Gates.

This guy

You might have heard of him.  The Richest Man in the World?  Or at least he was until Mexican telecommunications giant Crazy Carlos Slim jumped into the fray.

Yo soy loco

That’s right, Ol’ Billy can no longer claim to be the richest man in the world.  Now he’s just (that’s right, say it with me) number two.

Sorry Bill, I guess $53 Billion just doesn’t cut it anymore.  It’s going to take fifty-three point five to be number one these days.  A fact Slimmy knows all too well.

Viva la Mexico!

–Cap’n Blackjack

Take A Timeout Lindsey

February 17, 2010 Leave a comment

Oh, Lindsey.

Lindsey, Lindsey, Lindsey.

First you lose the gold by hot-dogging it four years ago.  And now you go off course, clip a gate, and get disqualified. 

Gold medal redemption FAIL.  Head on home, Lindsey, and take whatever endorsements you have left with you.

But don’t give up!  No, don’t give up.  I can’t wait to see what you have in store in four years.  I’m picturing long, curly, blonde locks of hair aflame, followed by a smoldering scalp and tears during the press conference, but that’s just me. 

I know. I’m an asshole.

–Cap’n Blackjack

Timeout Island: A Baldwin

February 12, 2010 1 comment

From eonline: As if the 30 Rock scene stealer wasn’t having a bad enough day following his brief hospitalization Thursday, the actor returned home to his NYC apartment after a long day of shooting to find a throng of media waiting for him. One bottom-dwelling paparazzo in particular, Tim Wiencis from the New York Post, began peppering Baldwin with questions as to the current emotional state of daughter Ireland, who reportedly called 911 on her father the night before.

Well, that was all it took for Mount Baldwin to erupt.

Alec, chill out. Don’t be like your brother, Stephen. Or that other one no one has heard of. Just…don’t.

Mount Baldwin–good one.


Take a Timeout, Accurate Weather Forcasting

February 11, 2010 2 comments


Digging out today?  Sore after moving the 18 inches of snow we got yesterday?  Yeah man, I feel ya.

Wait a minute, no I don’t.

I would imagine that if this was 1984 and a Wendy’s marketing executive was paying attention, he would imagine a crabby old lady chirping, “Where’s the snow?” and see dollar signs.  Instead, the only ones seeing dollar signs are the local news stations who probably enjoyed great ratings after scaring everyone to death for the past 4 days about this END OF DAYS WINTER APOCALYPSE.

I can just see the competing weathermen right now. 

Let's see what you got, Lemanowicz.

“You’ve got it at 4 inches?  Well, I’ll see your 4 and raise it to 6!” 

“Six?  Pfft!  I’m going for 8-12, baby.”

“You guys are losers.  12-18 inches is where it’s at.  Beat that!”

Truth is, none of these guys know what they’re talking about.  And when their false predictions and overblown hype causes half the state to cancel schools, close offices, and pretty much shut down completely, well, that’s just the prescription for a ticket to Timeout Island.

Go sit in the corner, guys.

–Cap’n Blackjack

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Timeout Island: Gnomes.

February 7, 2010 1 comment

It's a ruse!

Gnomes. When was the last time you heard anything about gnomes? Exactly. They’re fixin’ to do something. The propaganda picture above illustrates the dedication and effort the gnomes have taken to portray themselves as a shy, innocent, rarely-seen species.

Not anymore. They’ve been too quiet for too long. They’ve had plenty of time to amass, train, plot and strategize. It’s only a matter of time.

Gnomes, we’re watching you. Better take a timeout and sit down before you fall down.

Was your mother a gnome?

-Limejuiceboy, Gnome Hunter.

Categories: Timeout Island Tags: ,

Timeout Island: The fascination with Jennifer Aniston’s single life.

February 4, 2010 1 comment

Trapped in the past, Dr. Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, putting things right that once went wrong, and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.

From If the recent, extensive renovation of Jennifer Aniston’s Beverly Hills home is any indication, it doesn’t seem like the actress is in any rush to settle down.

Really? I mean, really?!. What is the big effing deal that Ms. Aniston is still Ms. Aniston? The fascination with her being single is still news-worthy? I don’t get it.

Look, I’m sure that Jen doesn’t do all that much to not bring attention like this to herself and she probably enjoys it more than a little bit: the cameras, the write-ups in glossy magazines and the checks handed over to her for allowing the public to get a glimpse on the work she has done to her “Zen-influenced home “. But the words “single”, “on her own” and “no longer guy-friendly” are never more than a sentence away from her.

What’s going to happen when this black widow finally snares a feeble male in her sticky web? The media will say how she has finally found love and her life is complete (vom!) and then they will wait…wait..wait..for any signs of trouble and devour her like hyena’s upon a bloated hippo carcass.

Like this, but with more bloodshed.

So, People Magazine and all that, leave her alone! Give the girl a rest, will ya?!

And I’m not even that big of a fan. Although she was great in Quantum Leap.


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