Archive for the ‘Yo Yo Island’ Category

Angry Grannies

January 28, 2010 1 comment

Have you ever heard an 80 year old woman say “Eff you” before?

Well, I have.  Just today.  I love my job.  I really do.

So, since I can’t decide whether this “experience” was totally effing (oh no, her language is rubbing off on me!) awesome or totally effing (there I go again!) terrifying, I’m putting Angry Grannies on Yo-Yo Island.

You keep on being angry at the world, ladies. 

Just stay the eff away from me.

–Cap’n Blackjack

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Yo-Yo Island’s Ode to the Crazy McDonald’s Lady

Oh, Crazy McDonald’s Lady, I don’t know whether to love you or hate you.

All I know is that telling the police (who are currently trying to hunt you down in Kansas City for the $1K in damages you did) that your actions were justified because your Big Mac didn’t have enough special sauce… 

Well, that probably won’t cut it.

–Cap’n Blackjack

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Yo-Yo Island: Samuel L. Jackson

December 22, 2009 Leave a comment

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I break your concentration?”

Happy Belated Birthday, Samuel. Now go to the Island and think about what you’ve done.

You used to be The Man, or more appropriately, THE Bad MotherFucker. Even though I believe Pulp Fiction hasn’t aged as well as I would have wanted it to, during the mid 90’s, no one could touch you. But then you go make Die Hard 3 and The Long Kiss Goodnight.

I don't remember asking you a Goddamn thing!

Look, this is my problem with you: unless it is an absolute perfect role for you, you sound like you are reading your lines. Hello, Deep Blue Sea. Even in Jurassic Park you didn’t sell your role.

what is it with you and vicious animals?

Act, damn it! Even in AOTC your line sounded so hollow…although Lucas might have had a lot to do with that. But still!

“This party’s over.” Ugh. Although I have to admit, it was cool when you swung your light saber behind you and re-directed that laser blast back into that droid.

See, that’s what I mean. You’re cool and then you aren’t. Stop Yo-yoing!

I know we share a birthday, Sam L., so I want to like you. I really do. But when you are on a plane with a lot of reptiles, it doesn’t work. Memorize your lines, Mr. Jackson. And say it with feeling! Please!

Until then, you are banished to Yo-Yo Island! See you around.


Birthday Banishment

December 21, 2009 Leave a comment

let the feces-throwing begin...

Banished! For 1 day only. Expires at midnight.


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Another Yo-Yo Island submission: Holiday Parties

December 11, 2009 3 comments

I attended mine last night and it always plays out the same way: maybe I’ll go, I’m not sure, well I guess so but I don’t really want to, okay if you’re going I’ll go, but I won’t drink much and I want to go early so I can get some food in me.

So what happens? This:

..this plus 13 others...

And all this working in conjunction with a few pieces of cheese and crackers. So much for eating at the party! Luckily I’m wise enough to refuse shots. Otherwise, I’d turn into this guy:

maybe that's not such a bad thing

Holiday Parties, you are banished! Until next year. And I’m already looking forward to it.



December 11, 2009 4 comments

Ah, booze.  Our love/hate relationship continues.

Today you’re going on The Island.

Tomorrow you’re coming off.

–Cap’n Blackjack

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